Shadow Play
by Aismon
Summary: He should have died when his brother was chosen to be the next holder of the One-Tailed Beast. Unfortunately, by some freaky miracle, he survived, and was now destined to remain as the 'unwanted one', the 'extra experiment'. Not everyone was keen on agreeing with that, though. Especially not when said someone knew the pain of loneliness all too much.


**Prologue**

* * *

 _He should have been dead._

No child should ever hear these kind of words. Of course, at that time he was far too little to understand the meaning, so no harm done, right? How could he had known what those strange looks and distant voices meant at such a fragile age? No one ever bothered explaining it to him, after all, and even if someone did, it would have been fruitless, a child couldn't possibly understand, could he? But children are much more sensitive than older ones think. Sometimes, no explanation was necessary. The mere emotions were enough. No, he didn't know _why_ they were looking at him like that, but he certainly felt _how._ And children aren't as stupid as others believe.

Sometimes, late at night, he wondered about it. Why he was here. Where was 'here' anyway? What was the purpose of all this? And during those vulnerable moments, when no one could see him, he felt much more insecure than he did at any other part of the day. It was all too confusing for a little child to understand. No one was willing to give any answers. Perhaps, at times he thought, it would be easier to just... not think about it. Pretend to be ignorant. Be naive, as kids should be. And simply go to sleep.

But his eyes refused to close. Again. They just stared at his room's dark, blank ceiling. At night, it was cold here. The thin blanket barely managed to keep him from freezing. He could have, probably, asked for another one, surely _they_ would have given it to him, _they_ always do, but for some reason... he didn't want to. Perhaps it was that irrational childish stubbornness, or fear, but the boy refused to approach those strangers here. _They_ always seemed so cold, distant. He didn't want to admit it, but _they_ scared him a little. Better to be alone and freeze, he thought, than be with _them._

And yet, during the night, he felt so incredibly lonely that it was much worse than the chilly cold of the desert. At those times he yearned for physical contact and company, for the warmth of another more than ever. It was only natural for a child to wish for that. Usually it was then that a mother or father came in, but this certain young boy knew those people were unattainable to him. For various reasons. Luckily, he had someone else.

The small boy knew he was prohibited from leaving his room during certain hours, that included the night, but he was a young child – such rules mattered little to him. Nevertheless, he, like any other, feared being caught and punished for his disobedience, so he had to be very careful. And so, as quietly as possible, he got off his bed and approached the single window. With slight difficulty, while puffing lightly, the boy managed to open the wooden frame, and a cool gust of air hit him, making him shiver. My, it sure was windy tonight. Not so good, considering his plans. Nevertheless, he wouldn't back out, not now, not ever. It didn't matter that the strong wind could be very dangerous to a little child like himself. It didn't matter that if he lost his balance and fell, death would be certain. It didn't matter that his heart pounded against his rib cage, fear raced through his veins, a suffocating lump formed in his throat as he gazed down into the endless darkness and various unnerving thoughts formed in his frightful mind. It didn't matter that now he shivered not only from the cold.

The pain of loneliness... It overpowered any other feelings.

The boy closed his eyes, took a deep breath, exhaled, and opened them again, determination shining in his dirty gray blues. He would not be afraid. He would succeed, as always.

Groggily, the small, frail child climbed out the window and placed his foot on the closest and biggest protruding sand rock. Wall climbing, it wasn't that hard. He had done this many times before. And dare he say, he was getting better at this. Of course, it would have been much easier if he learnt faster how to use that... thing... that his Father and others kept talking about. It seemed important and allowed them to perform all sorts of techniques and tasks without much difficulty. Something as wall climbing would have been complete child's play. Unfortunately, the boy was still, well, a child, so it was completely out of his league at this moment. He could only trust his own strength and willpower.

Good thing, at least, that his brother never closed his own window.

Soon enough, yet after quite a lot of struggle, the young boy finally reached his destination. His small body already slightly trembled and he was beginning to fear he would slip, so when his tiny feet felt the firm surface of the windowsill, he couldn't help but release a soft, silent sigh of relief. After lowering himself completely, the boy's eyes quickly searched the room and his suspicions were, once again, confirmed.

''Can't sleep again, huh?'' he broke the hanging silence as he sat down on the sill.

The occupant of the room, an equally small boy who was crouched on his bed with his legs held closely to his chest, snapped his head to the voice's direction, his eyes widening.

''Oh, Jun, I didn't notice you,'' the child answered quietly, unwrapping his arms from around his knees.

''I'm almost a real ninja, right?'' Jun giggled and finally entered the room, yet stayed by the window.

''Yeah,'' the crimson-haired boy's lips shaped into a small smile. However, it quickly fell and worry overtook his gaze. ''Did you climb the wall again? You shouldn't do that, Jun, it's dangerous, you could fall!..''

''Yeah well...'' Jun murmured quietly, averting his eyes from his brother and beginning to fidget with the hem of his shirt. ''I couldn't sleep. I wanted to see you, so I came.''

''Oh.''

Silence fell upon them. The two boys for a long while didn't look at each other, almost as if they were scared, or unsure about something. It was no wonder, though.

From when they could remember, they were always treated very differently.

Just one look around their rooms and it was obvious. Each time Jun saw his brother's, a dull pang of jealousy hit his heart. The other always got the more expensive toys, the most attention, Father always trained _him,_ while Jun was only expected to quietly obey, not cause any trouble and accept the fact that he would always be cast away. He could never understand. They looked almost completely identical, so why was his brother the more special one? Why did he have something Jun didn't? Why it was _him_ who was chosen?

At those certain times when such thoughts flooded his mind, Jun was scared of himself. He was scared that envy would overtake him and he would start detesting his brother. That was the last thing he wished for. His twin was the only person he could seek warmth, genuine care from. He was the only person that being around allowed Jun to feel himself. It was not Gaara's fault it turned out this way. But he couldn't possibly know if this feeling was mutual. Maybe he was just a burden to the other. An outcast, like he was to the rest of _them._ An unwanted presence.

During such a young age uncertainty could easily flood one's soul. Insecurity could without much obstacles overtake one's mind. Children were incredibly sensitive, after all.

''Tell me, Gaara, am I a bother to you?'' he finally asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

The said boy snapped his wide eyes back to his brother.

''Where did that come from?''

''Well...'' the other fidgeted in place a bit, still refusing to meet his twin's gaze. ''I dunno, I just... Forget about it,'' Jun shook his head suddenly and lifted his eyes, which were now void of any insecurity, up. ''I'm a bit tired, you know? I always mumble stupid stuff at this time of the day,'' he chuckled lightheartedly.

It didn't matter, after all.

''You should sleep, then, instead of running around, '' Gaara smiled at him softly, relaxing a bit. Yet that worry remained.

''Ah, I can't, I-'' _I'm lonely._ ''I just- You know, thought you'd be awake, too.''

''Mhmm,'' the other boy hummed for a few moments, keeping his eyes on his twin. ''Well, what are you doing just standing there? You'll get sick.''

Jun's eyes glinted, a small smile spread across his lips and he walked over to his brother's bed while the latter moved to the side to give the other enough space.

''Don't tell Yashamaru I came here again,'' he whispered as he climbed onto the bed.

''I never do, he finds that out by himself,'' Gaara responded with a half-shrug. ''You never come back to your room in the morning.''

''You know, climbing that wall once a day is more than enough for me,'' Jun muttered.

''I've told you not to-''

''But ah,'' the boy cut him off, playfully tapping his brother's nose with a small grin. ''For you, Gaa-chan, I wouldn't mind climbing to the end of the world.''

''Just not back to your room,'' the other murmured quietly while softly rubbing his nose. He had long since given up on asking his twin to stop with that embarrassing nickname, so he didn't even mention it this time.

''Just not back to my room,'' Jun confirmed by nodding. ''Your room is way better than mine, anyway.''

At that, Gaara fell silent, turning his head away. His twin immediately noticed the change of mood and a worried, guilty expression crept onto his features.

He didn't mean to upset him.

What was wrong with him?

Selfishness, that was the problem. He should stop thinking about himself so much. He was not important, after all. A nuisance. He survived only by some freakish luck, and he was beginning to doubt that, too. Yashamaru had once said that his birth was nothing short of a miracle. Now Jun was beginning to believe it was more of a curse. _Why_ did he survive? What was the purpose of his birth? Gaara had his, so what... And why was he, a young child, forced to dwell on such questions?

''You're tired, Jun, go to sleep,'' the crimson-haired boy finally broke the silence with his small voice.

''I wish we could both do that,'' the other responded quietly.

Or perhaps not only his birth had been a curse.

Nevertheless, not being met with an answer, Jun snuggled on the bed more comfortably and turned to his brother, who had also fully laid down.

''You know, tomorrow's an important day,'' Jun whispered while closing his eyes and moving a bit closer to the other.

''Yeah, we'll finally be let out into the village,'' Gaara answered and Jun could sense a small smile in his voice. ''Maybe it won't be only the two of us anymore.''

Somehow, that thought didn't seem too appealing to Jun. Nor realistic, honestly speaking. But who exactly he was to burst his brother's bubble?

Or perhaps Gaara was right. Perhaps it would turn out better than Jun expected. Even though he, from the bottom of his heart, feared it would not. How could the villagers understand them, after all? No, more importantly, how could the villagers understand Gaara? If it revealed to be different from what the boy expected, would he be able to take it?

Would Jun be able to take it?

But in the end, it didn't matter. He wasn't the chosen one, he wasn't the one with the pure heart, he wasn't the one that needed _protection._

It didn't matter whether he was strong enough.

If that was his fate, then so be it.

He would pretend to be so until he himself started believing it.

And yet, he couldn't stop himself from curling his slightly trembling fingers around the front of his brother's shirt tightly, allowing the other to wrap his arms around his frail frame and tuck his small head under his chin as he whispered those heart-clenching words with a small bitter smile.

''You know, it's okay – I get lonely, too.''

…

This won't be as easy as he wished it would be.

* * *

 _Author has only recently joined the Naruto fandom, so she has no way of knowing whether a similar story exists. Author also believes she should have probably finished Shippuden before starting a story in this fandom, what is she thinking, but fear not, author isn't scared of using the wiki, even though she should be before finishing the series. Author also curses herself for her weak will._

 _Author hopes you enjoyed and thinks she should actually finish the series before continuing this, it would be unprofessional otherwise._

 _But Author does not yet know she is merely rolling around in false expectations._

 _(She also believes Gaara should get more love, so boom, there you have it, folks)_

 _-Ais_


End file.
